Skeletons in Closet

Moderator: MOD_nyhetsgrupper

Svar
Eric Babula

Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Eric Babula » 21 sep 2004 14:13:20

I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times before.
But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy before
marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read enough)
about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course). But, I
don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up the bad
history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of the black
sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

(Just in case it matters, but I'm using Legacy as my family tree
software.)

TIA for your thoughts.

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it’s to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

MisNomer

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av MisNomer » 21 sep 2004 15:31:08

My ex is noted as "the jerk" . doubtless anything else will be put in.

Although, one of my moms uncles was killed in a car accident in the 20's. I
suspect it was some sort of shootout but cannot find anything to back that up.
All I have is a story my mother told about some moonshiners.

Its not the legal stuff I have a problem with - its noting the cause of death
for some grandparents. Senility seems to run in the family, and no one really
wants to know.

I was also surprised to see that the first child comes anytime, all the rest
seem to take at least nine months.


take care
Liz







On 21 Sep 2004 12:13:20 GMT, Eric Babula <ebabula@care2.com> wrote:

I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times before.
But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy before
marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read enough)
about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course). But, I
don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up the bad
history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of the black
sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

(Just in case it matters, but I'm using Legacy as my family tree
software.)

TIA for your thoughts.

singhals

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av singhals » 21 sep 2004 16:00:16

Eric Babula wrote:

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

Depends on who might still be alive to take offense. One does wish to
remain welcome at Thanskgiving dinner, after all! (g)

Seriously, this is a personal judgment call. Some of us will lean one
way, some another, and in most cases it is going to situational. It
will also depend on what you're intending to do with what you record.


Cheryl

Lesley Robertson

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Lesley Robertson » 21 sep 2004 16:09:15

"singhals" <singhals@erols.com> wrote in message
news:415033ef$0$2675$61fed72c@news.rcn.com...
Eric Babula wrote:

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

Depends on who might still be alive to take offense. One does wish to
remain welcome at Thanskgiving dinner, after all! (g)

Seriously, this is a personal judgment call. Some of us will lean one
way, some another, and in most cases it is going to situational. It will
also depend on what you're intending to do with what you record.

There's also the fact that if you get a reputation among the family for not

sparing people's feelings, they'll get reluctant to give you more
information. .......
Personally, I've made a note elsewhere about one tragic cause of death, and
not put it into the files that others might see. If it's from an earlier
generation, where nobody is alive to get upset, that's a different situation
of course, but living people are entitled to their privacy (and even their
illusions about other family members).
Lesley Robertson

S Coleman

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av S Coleman » 21 sep 2004 16:19:05

Within Legacy you can enter 'private' notes by enclosing your text with
[[ ]] This way you will have recorded the information but it won't export
or print.


"Eric Babula" <ebabula@care2.com> wrote in message
news:Xns956B4976A7A34ebabulacare2com@66.192.254.231...
I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times before.
But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy before
marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read enough)
about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course). But, I
don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up the bad
history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of the black
sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

(Just in case it matters, but I'm using Legacy as my family tree
software.)

TIA for your thoughts.

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it's to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

Patscga

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Patscga » 21 sep 2004 17:15:42

what do you do with those stories?

I keep my mouth shut. I'm a genealogist, not a gossip.
Pat

Mike B.

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Mike B. » 21 sep 2004 20:31:58

I have a hidden file located in the same directory as my FTM material. Is it
outlined in such a manner as to mesh with the info on FTM. In it is the
"offensive" material concerning births deaths, (Paternal aunt died of major
infection at 17 after backroom abortion in 1923), that kind of thing.

The "key" to that is contained in the material to be opened after my death, and
is to be given to the selected person by the executer. This person is very
discreet and will handle it the same way I have. (I hope). I agree that the
material can be offensive to some, but this is information that is important
for the "family" legacy to be passed on.


In article <Xns956B4976A7A34ebabulacare2com@66.192.254.231>, Eric Babula
<ebabula@care2.com> writes:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Diogenes

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Diogenes » 22 sep 2004 01:01:12

On 21 Sep 2004 12:13:20 GMT, Eric Babula <ebabula@care2.com> wrote:

I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times before.
But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy before
marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read enough)
about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course). But, I
don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up the bad
history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of the black
sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

I found some minor 'skeletons' in our family closet while researching
my GGGparents. GGgrandfather was killed in a gunfight in Kansas City
in 1879. Family lore held that the fact that he had fought for the
Union in the Civil War led to a confrontation with former Confederate
soldier(s), resulting in the fatal shootout. I managed to find the
newspaper article reporting his death, which read: "Brian Henry was
mortally wounded on Saturday evening in front of the Garnot Hotel. The
cause was whiskey". This is not quite the noble scenario that had been
handed down in the family.

In later years GGgrandmother applied for a pension as widow of a Civil
War veteran. I found three different affidavits she filed, the first
two of which listed her wedding date as September 12, 1875. The third
affidavit had a 'corrected' wedding date of September 12, 1876 with
attached documentation. I was puzzled that she would mistake the year
of her own wedding, until I looked at the birth date of my
Ggrandmother. She was, shall we say, remarkably premature. For years
GGgrandmother had fudged her wedding date so people wouldn't notice
that she was already pregnant when she went to the altar. I only found
out because the government, in an effort to combat fraudulent pension
claims, required documented proof of the marriage.

Discovering such flaws in our ancestors serves to make them much more
real and interesting individuals, and reminds us that they had lives
and loves very much like our own.
----
Diogenes (cdhoran@hotmail.com)

The wars are long, the peace is frail
The madmen come again . . . .

Edward Hutchison

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Edward Hutchison » 22 sep 2004 02:58:41

I gave this matter a great deal of thought during the preparation of my book,
"Yesterday."

The Introduction to the book details the conclusions I reached. It can be read
online at:

http://exptest.homestead.com/introduction.html

To see how this philosophy manifested itself in the way I covered a great-aunt
who managed to get married six times, please see the excerpt at:

http://erh.homestead.com/esterlee.html

Comments are very welcome.

Edward Hutchison
Madison, MS

Eric Babula

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Eric Babula » 22 sep 2004 18:39:23

Eric Babula <ebabula@care2.com> wrote in
news:Xns956B4976A7A34ebabulacare2com@66.192.254.231:

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

I think I'll try to record everything, but I'll have to make it private,
so it doesn't print out, if it's going to offend/hurt any living
relatives.

I do want to keep coming back to them for more info, and don't want to
become the black sheep of the family for reporting information that they
didn't want let out.

But, I do think it's valuable to know and keep track of everything, the
good and the bad, in order to know where you came from, and why certain
situations are the way they are.

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it’s to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

Bill Houdek

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Bill Houdek » 22 sep 2004 19:37:26

I maintain a folder on each basic family where I store hard copy of data &
information. Some if it is way too large to add into my Legacy file. Think
if I had sensitive information would simply indicate in the notes section
there is expanded information in the paper file. Naturally, this presumes
one individual will take over my work when it is time for me to give it up.

Bill Houdek
bhoudek@swbell.net
"Eric Babula" <ebabula@care2.com> wrote in message
news:Xns956B4976A7A34ebabulacare2com@66.192.254.231...
I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times before.
But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy before
marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read enough)
about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public, connections
to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not just second
marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course). But, I
don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up the bad
history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of the black
sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you do
with that info?

(Just in case it matters, but I'm using Legacy as my family tree
software.)

TIA for your thoughts.

--
Eric Babula
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body.
But rather, it’s to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'

Bonnie Bunce

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Bonnie Bunce » 29 sep 2004 20:28:10

"Edward Hutchison" <ehutchison@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040921205841.01575.00001367@mb-m28.aol.com...
I gave this matter a great deal of thought during the preparation of my
book,
"Yesterday."

The Introduction to the book details the conclusions I reached. It can be
read
online at:

http://exptest.homestead.com/introduction.html

To see how this philosophy manifested itself in the way I covered a
great-aunt
who managed to get married six times, please see the excerpt at:

http://erh.homestead.com/esterlee.html


That sounds like my mother, as she was married 4 times, although
my father (her second husband) thought she was married 5 times, but she told
me it was only 4. Judging from conversations we had, I think she was a poor
judge of character, or didn't have a clear idea of what she wanted in a
husband. She was also independent, had her own corner grocery store for
awhile, and worked at a number of jobs, starting at age 16 before she had
even graduated from high school, when she took a job as a telephone operator
for a telephone company in New York City in 1928 or so, and she valued
having her own money, something that I think my father couldn't really
understand.

Not to trivialize this topic, but it reminds me of a humorous story
that I once saw posted to a mailing list, which kind of shows how we all
want our ancestors to have been upstanding, respected citizens! It doesn't
always work out that way, though. :-)


The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors
had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators
and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their
children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem
arose--how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the
electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of
applied electronics at an important government institution,
was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as
a great shock."

Lesley Robertson

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Lesley Robertson » 29 sep 2004 21:02:57

"Bonnie Bunce" <bethiah@REMOVETOREPLYtotalspeed.net> schreef in bericht
news:cjeujk0k9o@enews1.newsguy.com...
Not to trivialize this topic, but it reminds me of a humorous story
that I once saw posted to a mailing list, which kind of shows how we all
want our ancestors to have been upstanding, respected citizens! It
doesn't
always work out that way, though. :-)

The trouble with fine upstanding citizens is that they left far fewer

records than the slightly less virtuous. From a genealogical point of view,
a few scoundrels are an advantage!
Lesley Robertson

Nearl J Icarus

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Nearl J Icarus » 02 okt 2004 06:54:02

In article <Xns956B4976A7A34ebabulacare2com@66.192.254.231>, ebabula@care2.com
says...

It does get a little interesting on how to handle some things. I have a
step-aunt I like quite a bit. It seems her mother moved in with my grandfather
about the time she was born. It also explains why my grandfather's second wife
was called his "house keeper" before they got married, which was after her
husband died. As a kid, I never could figure out why he needed a house
keeper.... 8-) He lived downstairs and Dad lived upstairs.

The things you learn when you talk to your relatives. My other grandmother was
a little more discreet. When she was in her 80s she almost blurted out a
little story to one of her g-grandkids. Then she remembered that nobody knew
the details and quit talking.

Andrealphus

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Andrealphus » 10 okt 2004 12:43:29

Eric Babula <ebabula@care2.com> wrote:
I know the 'skeletons in closet' subject has come up many times
before. But, usually it's related to 'first wifes', or 'pregnancy
before marriage'. I haven't seen any posts (maybe I just didn't read
enough) about subjects like these:

What do you do when you find disturbing news, like: drunken wife-
beaters, children who were locked up/hidden from the public,
connections to the mob, child moelestation? Really bad stuff, not
just second marriages - what do you do with those stories?

Obviously, much of the families concerned will want to cover up these
types of stories, never to be told again. But, some of the family
members remember that kind of stuff, and let it out. It is part of the
family history afterall, and these stories could be clues as to why
certain people/families turned out the way they did.

As for my thoughts: On the one hand, now that I have this info, I feel
an obligation to record it (after much more research, of course).
But, I don't want to truly hurt any living relatives by bringing up
the bad history. And, I don't want to put myself in the position of
the black sheep of the family. I have way too much more info to learn.

I'm sure others have come across similar 'bad skeletons'. What do you
do with that info?

(Just in case it matters, but I'm using Legacy as my family tree
software.)

TIA for your thoughts.

The only real skeleton I have found while researching my family tree was
about my great, great grandparents on my mother's side. Apparently, they
were a bit too closely related than most people would normally consider
comfortable. She was his half-aunt, he was her half nephew, whichever way
you want to look at it. It does tend to explain some of the relatives on
that side of the family though. :c)

--
Brigham Young on interracial marriage:

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the
white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed
of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This
will always be so."

Andrealphus

Re: Skeletons in Closet

Legg inn av Andrealphus » 10 okt 2004 12:47:09

Lesley Robertson <l.a.robertson@tnw.tudelft.nl> wrote:
"Bonnie Bunce" <bethiah@REMOVETOREPLYtotalspeed.net> schreef in
bericht news:cjeujk0k9o@enews1.newsguy.com...

Not to trivialize this topic, but it reminds me of a humorous
story that I once saw posted to a mailing list, which kind of shows
how we all want our ancestors to have been upstanding, respected
citizens! It doesn't
always work out that way, though. :-)

The trouble with fine upstanding citizens is that they left far fewer
records than the slightly less virtuous. From a genealogical point of
view, a few scoundrels are an advantage!
Lesley Robertson

Hehehehe... I was thinking the exact same thing. The more virtuous people
tend to live "quieter" lives.

--
Brigham Young on interracial marriage:

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the
white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed
of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This
will always be so."

Svar

Gå tilbake til «alt.genealogy»