Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

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Sapphyre

Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Sapphyre » 31 des 2007 19:15:06

Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

Fred McKenzie

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Fred McKenzie » 31 des 2007 19:48:24

In article
<d19c0b61-eece-48dc-88d3-acdb7022ec2a@w47g2000hsa.googlegroups.com>,
Sapphyre <sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote:

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

Sapphyre-

I also feel more comfortable at the computer, and recently happened
across a couple of distant "lost" cousins doing Genealogical research by
eMail.

Considering what I would think if someone called me, it might be better
if you wrote a letter. I would probably be polite to the caller, but
most likely would resent the interruption of whatever I was doing.

It wouldn't hurt to include a computer-generated family chart of some
kind, that illustrated your relationship. Be sure to include your
E-Mail address.

Fred

Sherlock Holmes

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Sherlock Holmes » 31 des 2007 20:05:30

Sapphyre wrote:
Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain so do they as well.
Go at it with a positive outlook.
Have relevant information handy so you can make each call meaningful for
the recipient.
Some will be helpful and some will not, some will not want to know and
some will be over the moon with joy.

Phone at a time that you are likely to catch them home.
Give your phone number no telemarketer that I have come across has ever
done that.

You could say for example " Hi this Sapphyre Green I would like to speak
to Billy Purple who I have reason to believe is a long lost cousin.
Hi Billy would William John Patrick Purple by chance be related to you?
Do you by chance know of William John Patrick Purple and if so how?"

Yes this does work as I have used it myself.
As you can see no mistaking this for a telemarketer and if you strike a
Billy Purple that is not your relation then he may be able to point you
in the correct direction or may even know him.
Another approach is send a letter first saying that you intend to phone
on a given day at say for example Wednesday the 2nd February 2008 at
19:00 ( 7pm )
So get too it and make those phone calls.
The names above are all made up just to demonstrate a method that does work.

David

saki

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av saki » 31 des 2007 20:05:33

Sapphyre wrote:

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before?

Like you I apppreciate letters rather than the phone (I'm a bit
phone-phobic anyway, perhaps this influences my approach). I also like
the idea of giving someone the "space", so to speak, of deciding whether
he/she wants to respond or not.

Recently I tracked down a third cousin via a defunct hotmail account. It
pointed to a high-school alumni site where the webmaster was happy to
post my note to him (including a brief mention of our common ancestor,
how we were connected, our family website and my email contact). He's
pretty blown away by all the family info. I'm just happy to have someone
enthusiastic with whom to share our mutual history.

And more recently I found another third cousin from a different branch
via her sister's blog. Despite having been active in genealogy up to
about 2002, with numerous posts on Rootsweb and ancestry.com seeking
info, this cousin has not yet gotten in touch with me. Well, some
interests come and go. Perhaps she's no longer into genealogy.

Whenever I'm contacting folks, whether by email or handwritten letter, I
try to make my note as brief as possible and give them the option of
making further contact. In handwritten notes I've even included
self-addressed stamped return envelopes. But if they don't write back, I
drop it.

----
saki@ucla.edu
http://sakionline.net/familypage

Christopher Jahn

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Christopher Jahn » 31 des 2007 20:26:50

Sapphyre <sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote in
news:d19c0b61-eece-48dc-88d3-acdb7022ec2a@w47g2000hsa.googlegroup
s.com:

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family
member, and has anyone done this before?

Yes - I've discovered several cousins online. Email has been
acceptable so far.

Who did I find?
-Grandchildren of my great-grandmother's half brother, who
provided a portrait of those siblings'mutual grandfather.
-Great-great grandchildren of my great-great grandfather's
brother, who had pictures of my GGgrandfather and his second
wife, which we didn't have, and I had some information they
didn't have.
-The grandson of my great-grandfather's brother, who still has
Great Uncle Sam's barber chair.
-A cousin descended from a unique family tie: a brother and a
sister married a sister and a brother. Her great-great
grandfather was my great-great grandmother's brother, and her
great-great grandmother was my great-great grandfather's sister.
-A family with the same surname: their ancestor came over and
stayed with an uncle, who was a baker. To tie it up, a cousin has
a trunk she inherited from our g-g-grandfather, a baker, and it
had our surname but the first name of that other family's
ancestor!

Don't be a-feared. What's the worst that can happen?

--
}:-) Christopher Jahn
{:-( http://soflatheatre.blogspot.com/

Welcome to the Federal Bureau for Reducing Bureaucracy!

Christopher Jahn

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Christopher Jahn » 31 des 2007 20:30:14

Fred McKenzie <fmmck@aol.com> wrote in
news:fmmck-EDE9DE.13482431122007@nntp.aioe.org:

In article
d19c0b61-eece-48dc-88d3-acdb7022ec2a@w4 ... oglegroups.
com>,
Sapphyre <sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote:

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems
that I have living cousins in the US that are distantly
related (like fourth cousins or something), and it's highly
likely they know nothing of our family in Canada. I was able
to track these folks down by pure luck, and I'm thinking of
getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to do this.

Sapphyre-

I also feel more comfortable at the computer, and recently
happened across a couple of distant "lost" cousins doing
Genealogical research by eMail.

Considering what I would think if someone called me, it might
be better if you wrote a letter. I would probably be polite
to the caller, but most likely would resent the interruption
of whatever I was doing.

It wouldn't hurt to include a computer-generated family chart
of some kind, that illustrated your relationship. Be sure to
include your E-Mail address.

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I always include some data I
have that indicates the relationship, with an offer of the rest
if they are interested. It becomes a sharing instead of an
imposition.

Often, your cousins may not know what you know. I found a
cousing that had our mutual GGGgrandparent's wedding certificate,
but I had the family bible. I didn't know that they were married
out of state, and she didn't know there were siblings.


--
}:-) Christopher Jahn
{:-( http://soflatheatre.blogspot.com/

The moral of the story is: Kill the parents kill the children.

mapgaret

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av mapgaret » 31 des 2007 20:33:10

Sapphyre wrote:
Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

What ever it took for you to do it last time use those same tools ...
You might only have this one chance. They will be happy to hear from
you. Maybe they too are researching. I know I have found lots of
cousins (my Dads father came from Essex, Ontario and was orphaned at a
young age) but I had cousins who were in Michigan and were able to
confirm the relations. Do it, you can!! Let me know the outcome. We
always feel self conscious about these things but afterwards I always
think wow that was easy. You can do it.

Sincerely,

Margaret Paquette

CWatters

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av CWatters » 31 des 2007 21:34:52

I would write or send email. If you send email just send a plain text
message and mention that a second message follows with a family tree
attached. Send that as a pdf or MS Word doc - something most people can
read.

Huntersglenn

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Huntersglenn » 01 jan 2008 00:41:46

I recently encountered this same situation when I confirmed by death
certificates that my grandfather's youngest sister married and had a
family. I debated about calling versus writing, and finally decided to
write - I had the address from one of the family death certificates (my
cousin's wife had provided the information for his brother's death
certificate).

When I wrote my cousin, I started by introducing myself and then went
into how we were related. I let him know how I'd found him and his
address, and informed him that I had more family information that I was
willing to share. I then gave him my address, telephone number and
e-mail, for him to contact me when he was ready.

He ended up calling, and we had a great conversation - his mother had
always thought that my grandfather had been dead for years (shot to
death), and since I didn't know my grandfather, all I had to share were
stories that my mother had told me. I then later sent him a more
detailed family tree, and plan to send photographs to him as well.

Whichever you choose, good luck!
Cathy

Sapphyre wrote:
Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.


arethusa

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av arethusa » 01 jan 2008 02:35:06

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:12:47 -0800 (PST), Sapphyre
<sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

I have much experience in this area. My motto is, "Beware of
genealogists with unlimited long distance." I make "cold calls" to
potential relatives. It sounds scary, and at first it was, but now
it's easy and fun. I use ancestry.com's "find living people" feature
to find would-be relatives, call them and explain what I'm doing.

Here's what I've found:

When calling, give as much information as possible about the
ancestors. People are much more willing to believe you if you know
what you're talking about. I start each conversation with, "Hi, my
name is "insert name here" and I'm trying to trace the descendants of
"insert ancestor's names here" and I'm wondering if perhaps we're
related." Once I start to rattle off the names of their dead
relatives, they're very excited and want to help. I've been so
blessed to be able to find all the descendants of my
great-grandfather! These are people I had no idea existed a year ago.
Calling the first couple of people was hard, but after talking with
them, it was so easy. Just as you discovered regarding your calls to
England, people, once they know who you are and what you're doing, are
very, very happy to hear from you and to help.

I do not ask for the names of living individuals; ie: spouses,
children. I tell them to only give me as much information as they're
comfortable giving. In this age of identity theft, it's unwise to
call and start asking for that type of information. Everyone I've
talked to, and I've talked to over a dozen "strangers', has been very
helpful and willing to share their information with me.

I offer to send them, at my expense, copies of the information I've
gathered so far. This is a big hit. The people I've talked to are
very excited about what I've been able to find so far and can't wait
to get my packages...

Which brings me to my own personal dilemma. How does one make the
information available in a form that does not bore the average person
who just really wants the pertinent information on themselves, their
parents and grandparents? My research involves gathering information
on every descendant of an ancestor, not just on the descendants of my
own personal line. I want to know the families of all siblings, the
in-laws, the whole complete line. But that makes for a LOT of
information for someone to wade through. My theory is that there is
usually one person in each generation who is "into" genealogy. Knowing
every member of a family greatly increases your chance of making
connections and breaking through brick walls. It's worked extremely
well for me in that I've been able to trace many ancestors that were
for many years brick walls.

Be prepared to send what you've promised. If you say you're going to
send a genealogy packet, send one. I include my full name, phone
number, address and the address of my genealogy website. I also ask
that if they find any errors or have information that I haven't
included, to please let me know. Many have sent me back corrections
and even copies of photos. I am so grateful for the photos! To put
faces to the names I've been working on is a magical experience.

So my advice is to call. And wouldn't it be wonderful if I got a call
from YOU?? I've ancestors from Canada and they remain my hardest to
track. (You don't happen to have any Lemons in your family tree, do
you?) ;)

Denise

Sapphyre

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Sapphyre » 01 jan 2008 06:25:06

On Dec 31 2007, 8:38 pm, arethusa <den...@onlyaret.net> wrote:
On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:12:47 -0800 (PST), Sapphyre





sapphyre...@yahoo.com> wrote:
Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

I have much experience in this area.  My motto is, "Beware of
genealogists with unlimited long distance."  I make "cold calls" to
potential relatives.  It sounds scary, and at first it was, but now
it's easy and fun.  I use ancestry.com's "find living people" feature
to find would-be relatives, call them and explain what I'm doing.

Here's what I've found:

When calling, give as much information as possible about the
ancestors.  People are much more willing to believe you if you know
what you're talking about.  I start each conversation with, "Hi, my
name is "insert name here" and I'm trying to trace the descendants of
"insert ancestor's names here" and I'm wondering if perhaps we're
related."  Once I start to rattle off the names of their dead
relatives, they're very excited and want to help.  I've been so
blessed to be able to find all the descendants of my
great-grandfather!  These are people I had no idea existed a year ago.
Calling the first couple of people was hard, but after talking with
them, it was so easy.  Just as you discovered regarding your calls to
England, people, once they know who you are and what you're doing, are
very, very happy to hear from you and to help.  

I do not ask for the names of living individuals; ie: spouses,
children.  I tell them to only give me as much information as they're
comfortable giving.  In this age of identity theft, it's unwise to
call and start asking for that type of information.  Everyone I've
talked to, and I've talked to over a dozen "strangers', has been very
helpful and willing to share their information with me.  

I offer to send them, at my expense, copies of the information I've
gathered so far.  This is a big hit.  The people I've talked to are
very excited about what I've been able to find so far and can't wait
to get my packages...

Which brings me to my own personal dilemma.  How does one make the
information available in a form that does not bore the average person
who just really wants the pertinent information on themselves, their
parents and grandparents?  My research involves gathering information
on every descendant of an ancestor, not just on the descendants of my
own personal line.  I want to know the families of all siblings, the
in-laws, the whole complete line.  But that makes for a LOT of
information for someone to wade through.  My theory is that there is
usually one person in each generation who is "into" genealogy. Knowing
every member of a family greatly increases your chance of making
connections and breaking through brick walls.  It's worked extremely
well for me in that I've been able to trace many ancestors that were
for many years brick walls.  

Be prepared to send what you've promised.  If you say you're going to
send a genealogy packet, send one.  I include my full name, phone
number, address and the address of my genealogy website.  I also ask
that if they find any errors or have information that I haven't
included, to please let me know.  Many have sent me back corrections
and even copies of photos.  I am so grateful for the photos!  To put
faces to the names I've been working on is a magical experience.

So my advice is to call.  And wouldn't it be wonderful if I got a call
from YOU??  I've ancestors from Canada and they remain my hardest to
track.  (You don't happen to have any Lemons in your family tree, do
you?)  ;)

Denise- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Hi Denise,
Thanks for your insightful response on phone calls. The reason I'm
leaning towards this being the most practical, is for one, I can't be
100% sure the person I'm contacting is the right person (or the
address is still good). I do have multiple addresses for the same
person, but I'm sure they're related somehow.

I have managed to get information on living people without too much
problem, but that either came from relatives who knew me (because I
knew their parents who are cousins of my grandfather), or it came from
England. Mind you I didn't bother my English relatives with too many
questions, so the information is only half complete (names and
birthdays only) and I didn't fill in much on the other branch of the
family tree (the spouse's side) so much because I was trying to not
intrude.

The good news is, today I discovered an obituary for a relative that I
knew died in either Georgia or Florida (she had homes in both places,
but I wasn't sure where she died). A death notice was printed in an
Alabama newspaper and the funeral home has it online, so the google of
that name brought up her death notice. Too bad the obituary provided
no useful information other than the place of death, and her maiden
name.

No Lemons in my family, sorry to say. I'd give you advice on where to
look in Canada, but I'm well versed only in Ontario, and my paper
trail dies off around 1934 since that's the most recent of any records
that we have. We have death records in BC up until 1979, and Quebec
until I think 1985 (but they are on microfiche at the Quebec
Archives), there are marriage records for Quebec too, but these
"records" don't provide much information. In other words, if you don't
already know what you're looking for, you might not find it. Two
cousins of mine were institutionalized as children (fatal childhood
illness), and they died in the institution after my aunt left the
province. She didn't know when they died, or how long they lived
because she couldn't handle watching her two babies die. I managed to
get the dates and slip them in my research without upsetting anyone.

S.

clifto

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av clifto » 01 jan 2008 06:47:32

arethusa wrote:
So my advice is to call. And wouldn't it be wonderful if I got a call
from YOU?? I've ancestors from Canada and they remain my hardest to
track. (You don't happen to have any Lemons in your family tree, do
you?) ;)

Of course we do, but not by that last name.

--
I never could pass up a good straight line...

arethusa

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av arethusa » 01 jan 2008 08:40:05

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 21:23:06 -0800 (PST), Sapphyre
<sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote:


Hi Denise,
Thanks for your insightful response on phone calls. The reason I'm
leaning towards this being the most practical, is for one, I can't be
100% sure the person I'm contacting is the right person (or the
address is still good). I do have multiple addresses for the same
person, but I'm sure they're related somehow.

I called someone with the right surname and was told, "No, none of
those names sound familiar, but let me give you the phone number of my
aunt." I called the aunt and was told, "No, those people aren't
related to me, sorry." I then called back the original contact who
told me, "Let me give you the name of my uncle in Florida." When I
gathered my courage, sure I would be disappointed again, and called, I
found that I had the right family and was given the phone number of an
84 year old woman who gave me richly detailed information on her
branch of my great-grandfather's family. It was wonderful. Lesson I
learned: If offered the numbers of other relatives from a cold call,
take the number and call it. If offered more numbers, call them.
There be magic out there and I sometimes feel that my dead ancestors
WANT me to find them and tell the stories of their lives. It's simply
strange how many brick walls I've broken through in just the last year
alone. One month I can find nothing on family in Kentucky and the
next month their death certificates are online, giving the names of
their parents and places of birth. If I had one wish it would be that
all my relatives had been born and died in Kentucky because I haven't
found another state with so much vital record information online.
I have managed to get information on living people without too much
problem, but that either came from relatives who knew me (because I
knew their parents who are cousins of my grandfather), or it came from
England. Mind you I didn't bother my English relatives with too many
questions, so the information is only half complete (names and
birthdays only) and I didn't fill in much on the other branch of the
family tree (the spouse's side) so much because I was trying to not
intrude.

People generally love to talk about themselves and if they feel a
connection to you, they share willingly. I've not yet met a single
person who didn't want to know the information I've collected. Bother
and intrude because life is short and someone may have information
that they may take with them to the grave, information that will
enrich the story of your family. And isn't that why we do this? I
want to know as much as possible about my ancestors, to know the
detail and trivia of their lives. Every life is a story and I wish I
could live long enough to tell the stories of every member of my
family. The good things are wonderful to hear and the bad things?
They remind me of just how human we all are, how imperfectly made, and
how every facet completes the picture.
The good news is, today I discovered an obituary for a relative that I
knew died in either Georgia or Florida (she had homes in both places,
but I wasn't sure where she died). A death notice was printed in an
Alabama newspaper and the funeral home has it online, so the google of
that name brought up her death notice. Too bad the obituary provided
no useful information other than the place of death, and her maiden
name.

Ah, maiden names. How I wish wives could keep their maiden names! How
happy I am when they incorporate them into the names of their
children! It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's very
exciting and helps a great deal. I have almost more women with the
last name of "Unknown" than I have of any other surname in my
database. It's frustrating.
No Lemons in my family, sorry to say. I'd give you advice on where to
look in Canada, but I'm well versed only in Ontario, and my paper
trail dies off around 1934 since that's the most recent of any records
that we have. We have death records in BC up until 1979, and Quebec
until I think 1985 (but they are on microfiche at the Quebec
Archives), there are marriage records for Quebec too, but these
"records" don't provide much information. In other words, if you don't
already know what you're looking for, you might not find it. Two
cousins of mine were institutionalized as children (fatal childhood
illness), and they died in the institution after my aunt left the
province. She didn't know when they died, or how long they lived
because she couldn't handle watching her two babies die. I managed to
get the dates and slip them in my research without upsetting anyone.

S.

I'm going to join the Ontario Genealogical Society soon. Their York
County branch has information on my Lemons, who founded a small
community called "Lemonville" near Whitchurch. I can't wait to join!
My dream is to someday go to Canada and do some real digging. I have
many surnames that started in Ontario: Herr, who landed in Ontario by
way of Germany, Meredith, who started in the states and moved up to
Canada after the Revolutionary War, and of course, my Lemons.

And I have to add that sensitivity is a trait that is vital to the
armature genealogist. That and tact. Both serve us well.

Thank you for your response to my response. I was unsure after
writing it if I should post it or not because it just seemed
so...well, me. I'm obsessive about genealogy these days.

Denise

arethusa

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av arethusa » 01 jan 2008 08:44:24

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 23:47:32 -0600, clifto <clifto@gmail.com> wrote:

arethusa wrote:
So my advice is to call. And wouldn't it be wonderful if I got a call
from YOU?? I've ancestors from Canada and they remain my hardest to
track. (You don't happen to have any Lemons in your family tree, do
you?) ;)

Of course we do, but not by that last name.

That literally made me laugh out loud. :)

Denise
http://www.onlyarethusa.com/genealogy

Anne Chambers

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Anne Chambers » 01 jan 2008 08:55:05

Sapphyre wrote:
SNIP
How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

I was born with a fairly unusual surname, and whenever I am in a new
place I always look in the phone book to see if there are any others
with that name. If there are, I write to them, explain who I am; give
the names of a few ancestors and offer to send them the family tree.
Without fail, they have responded, many with phone numbers and other
contact addresses, which I then follow up. I prefer to write as I can
then explain concisely who I am and what I am doing, whereas a 'cold
call' is so easily hung up on. I also Google the surname periodically
to see if anything new has come up.

Go for it - what have you got to lose ?



--
Anne Chambers,
South Australia
anne dot chambers at bigpond dot com

Hugh Watkins

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Hugh Watkins » 01 jan 2008 15:05:46

Anne Chambers wrote:

Sapphyre wrote:
SNIP


How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?


I was born with a fairly unusual surname, and whenever I am in a new
place I always look in the phone book to see if there are any others
with that name. If there are, I write to them, explain who I am; give
the names of a few ancestors and offer to send them the family tree.
Without fail, they have responded, many with phone numbers and other
contact addresses, which I then follow up. I prefer to write as I can
then explain concisely who I am and what I am doing, whereas a 'cold
call' is so easily hung up on. I also Google the surname periodically
to see if anything new has come up.

Go for it - what have you got to lose ?

and put your data on line

easiest is world connect
http://wc.rootsweb.com/cgi-bin/igm.cgi?db=lapham

plus a blog - or 2 or 3


http://lapham36.blogspot.com/ with pictures
http://lapham2005.blogspot.com/ some sources
http://kilmington.blogspot.com/

I use
http://www.flickr.com/photos/hughw36/
as an image server too


people google themselves
and send me corrections and updates
and enthuisiastic thank you emails

Hugh W



--
For genealogy and help with family and local history in Bristol and
district http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brycgstow/

http://snaps4.blogspot.com/ photographs and walks

GENEALOGE http://hughw36.blogspot.com/ MAIN BLOG

Jane Benn

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Jane Benn » 01 jan 2008 22:02:38

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:38:44 -0600, arethusa <denise@onlyaret.net>
wrote:

On Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:12:47 -0800 (PST), Sapphyre
sapphyre_66@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hi everyone,

I've come across a bit of a snag in my research. It seems that I have
living cousins in the US that are distantly related (like fourth
cousins or something), and it's highly likely they know nothing of our
family in Canada. I was able to track these folks down by pure luck,
and I'm thinking of getting in touch, but I don't know the best way to
do this.

For one, I'm comfortable with the computer, and it's unfortunately
replaced phone conversations for the most part. So I'm having a little
more nervous bouts when making phone calls than I did, say 10 years
ago. These folks don't have email or facebook, myspace, whatever those
sites are (not that I've found), so I'm stuck with either letter
writing or phone calls.

I'm thinking if I write a letter, it's the kind of thing that can be
procrastinated, and I'll always wonder (if they never get around to
answering), so it looks like I'm stuck with the phone call.

How do you go about introducing yourself as a long lost family member,
and has anyone done this before? Approximately 7 years ago I made some
calls around England to track some cousins, but I found that the
English were quite friendly and helpful in telling me whether or not I
had the right household when I made my calls. Somehow I was able to
muster up the courage to make those calls, and now I'm not so sure I
can do that anymore. Another thing is, with my Canadian accent my
story of "I'm your cousin in Canada" holds a lot of water, but in the
US where telemarketers are abundant and menacing, I'm not so sure I
could convince people to talk to me south of the border.

What do you think?

I have much experience in this area. My motto is, "Beware of
genealogists with unlimited long distance." I make "cold calls" to
potential relatives. It sounds scary, and at first it was, but now
it's easy and fun. I use ancestry.com's "find living people" feature
to find would-be relatives, call them and explain what I'm doing.

Here's what I've found:

When calling, give as much information as possible about the
ancestors. People are much more willing to believe you if you know
what you're talking about. I start each conversation with, "Hi, my
name is "insert name here" and I'm trying to trace the descendants of
"insert ancestor's names here" and I'm wondering if perhaps we're
related." Once I start to rattle off the names of their dead
relatives, they're very excited and want to help. I've been so
blessed to be able to find all the descendants of my
great-grandfather! These are people I had no idea existed a year ago.
Calling the first couple of people was hard, but after talking with
them, it was so easy. Just as you discovered regarding your calls to
England, people, once they know who you are and what you're doing, are
very, very happy to hear from you and to help.

I do not ask for the names of living individuals; ie: spouses,
children. I tell them to only give me as much information as they're
comfortable giving. In this age of identity theft, it's unwise to
call and start asking for that type of information. Everyone I've
talked to, and I've talked to over a dozen "strangers', has been very
helpful and willing to share their information with me.

I offer to send them, at my expense, copies of the information I've
gathered so far. This is a big hit. The people I've talked to are
very excited about what I've been able to find so far and can't wait
to get my packages...

Which brings me to my own personal dilemma. How does one make the
information available in a form that does not bore the average person
who just really wants the pertinent information on themselves, their
parents and grandparents? My research involves gathering information
on every descendant of an ancestor, not just on the descendants of my
own personal line. I want to know the families of all siblings, the
in-laws, the whole complete line. But that makes for a LOT of
information for someone to wade through. My theory is that there is
usually one person in each generation who is "into" genealogy. Knowing
every member of a family greatly increases your chance of making
connections and breaking through brick walls. It's worked extremely
well for me in that I've been able to trace many ancestors that were
for many years brick walls.

Be prepared to send what you've promised. If you say you're going to
send a genealogy packet, send one. I include my full name, phone
number, address and the address of my genealogy website. I also ask
that if they find any errors or have information that I haven't
included, to please let me know. Many have sent me back corrections
and even copies of photos. I am so grateful for the photos! To put
faces to the names I've been working on is a magical experience.

So my advice is to call. And wouldn't it be wonderful if I got a call
from YOU?? I've ancestors from Canada and they remain my hardest to
track. (You don't happen to have any Lemons in your family tree, do
you?) ;)

Denise

I had a cousin who married a man named Lemmon (they spell it with two
m's not one).

What part of Canada were your ancestors from, and what time period?

--
Jane

arethusa

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av arethusa » 02 jan 2008 00:25:24

On Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:02:38 -0500, Jane Benn
<nospamplease99@rogers.com> wrote:


I had a cousin who married a man named Lemmon (they spell it with two
m's not one).

What part of Canada were your ancestors from, and what time period?

My Lemons have also spelled their name Lemmon at times.

Baltis Lemon, son of John Lemon and Elizabeth Titman, was born in
Pennsylvania in 1796. Sometime before the death of his mother, he and
his brother George Lemon and uncle Jacob moved to Canada and settled
in the Whitchurch area of York County, Ontario. The families thrived
and started a community called Lemonville. Baltis was married to Mary
Mendenhall, a Quaker who was born in Fishing Creek, Pennsylvania. Her
family is well documented.

Baltis and Mary were the parents of:

1. Beulah Lemon b. 1817 in Pennsylvania, m. Jacob Baker in Ontario in
1842, d. 1910 in Whitchurch, York Co., Ontario.

2. John M. Lemon b. 1819 in Pennsylvania, m. Christina Johnson 1843
in Markham, Ontario, Canada, d. 1887 in Sanford, Scott Township,
Ontario, Canada.

3. Julia Lemon b. 1820

4. Lydia Lemon b. 1823

5. Abner Lemon b. 1825 in Canada

6. Isaac Lemon b. 1827 in Canada, m. Ann Hepzibah Tiffin Abt. 1850,
d. Goderich Township, Huron County, Ontario. (This is my direct line,
and his name was Isac Lemmon in the 1871 Canadian Census.)

7. Elizabeth Lemon b. 1829

8. Mary Ann Lemon b. 1838

9. James Lemon b. 1840.

Some of the children of Isaac and Ann Tiffin Lemon moved down into
Michigan after the death of their parents. One of these children was
Isaac B. Lemon and he was the father of my grandfather, Russell Tiffen
Lemon. Without the middle name of Tiffen, we wouldn't have been able
to trace these Lemons.

I've been able to find all the descendants of Isaac B. and Eva Wilder
Lemon. I found them making cold calls.

Gjest

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Gjest » 02 jan 2008 02:26:10

I've approached this several ways. I've phoned, I've written, I've e-
mailed, and I've written to local newspapers (and had the letters
published saying I was looking for descendents of specific people).

I've been on the receiving end of the calls, letters and e-mails as
well. If you have some family details from a prior generation that no
one but a relative could know, it helps with your credibility (i.e.
I'm a descendent of Molly Jones Attcliff who was born in Albany in
1870, and I think her son Jimmy Attcliff might be a relative of yours.
Am I on the right track?). Sometimes I've gotten the reaction that
they don't know much family history, but they'll refer me to another
family member who is a genealogy buff.

I even got a cold call from a guy in Australia looking for Canadian
relatives. Turned out we weren't related, but I was able to hook him
up with the same surname family he WAS related to. He's been to visit
us twice now, and we always get cards from him at Christmas. I can't
imagine turning someone away if they know enough details about the
family in question to make them credible.

I've rarely gotten a rebuff. Most people are really interested.
Surprisingly, the local newspaper gambit has worked great a couple of
times. I discovered a whole nest of relatives none of us knew about in
a smaller Scottish town that way (plus it was WAY fun to get excited
long distance calls from Scotland in response to my published
letter).

Mary G.

Jane Benn

Re: Finding Long Lost Relatives... who are still living.

Legg inn av Jane Benn » 03 jan 2008 19:05:42

On Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:27:45 -0600, arethusa <denise@onlyaret.net>
wrote:

On Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:02:38 -0500, Jane Benn
nospamplease99@rogers.com> wrote:


I had a cousin who married a man named Lemmon (they spell it with two
m's not one).

What part of Canada were your ancestors from, and what time period?

My Lemons have also spelled their name Lemmon at times.

Baltis Lemon, son of John Lemon and Elizabeth Titman, was born in
Pennsylvania in 1796. Sometime before the death of his mother, he and
his brother George Lemon and uncle Jacob moved to Canada and settled
in the Whitchurch area of York County, Ontario. The families thrived
and started a community called Lemonville. Baltis was married to Mary
Mendenhall, a Quaker who was born in Fishing Creek, Pennsylvania. Her
family is well documented.

Baltis and Mary were the parents of:

1. Beulah Lemon b. 1817 in Pennsylvania, m. Jacob Baker in Ontario in
1842, d. 1910 in Whitchurch, York Co., Ontario.

2. John M. Lemon b. 1819 in Pennsylvania, m. Christina Johnson 1843
in Markham, Ontario, Canada, d. 1887 in Sanford, Scott Township,
Ontario, Canada.

3. Julia Lemon b. 1820

4. Lydia Lemon b. 1823

5. Abner Lemon b. 1825 in Canada

6. Isaac Lemon b. 1827 in Canada, m. Ann Hepzibah Tiffin Abt. 1850,
d. Goderich Township, Huron County, Ontario. (This is my direct line,
and his name was Isac Lemmon in the 1871 Canadian Census.)

7. Elizabeth Lemon b. 1829

8. Mary Ann Lemon b. 1838

9. James Lemon b. 1840.

Some of the children of Isaac and Ann Tiffin Lemon moved down into
Michigan after the death of their parents. One of these children was
Isaac B. Lemon and he was the father of my grandfather, Russell Tiffen
Lemon. Without the middle name of Tiffen, we wouldn't have been able
to trace these Lemons.

I've been able to find all the descendants of Isaac B. and Eva Wilder
Lemon. I found them making cold calls.

I think it's probably not the same family. The Lemmons I am connected
to lived in Lennox and Addington County until the 20th century. I'm
not sure exactly how old my father's cousin was, although her parents
were married in 1900, but it was she and her husband who moved to
Toronto, so I'm guessing it was somewhere in the 1920's or more likely
the 1930's, since I know most of the houses in her neighbourhood were
built then.

It's great that you found them just by calling. I actually received
one over 25 years ago from a researcher looking for information on my
father's family, and was able to put her in touch with the two family
members who knew the most about the family background and where
(literally) all the bodies were buried.


--
Jane

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